Dear Eric: For more than five years I have bone to have a friend and her two children about to have dinner weekly.
This begins after her narcissistic and pilanderous husband, who had a leg having an adventure while she sniffed the term with a difficult and hospitalized pregnancy, weighs her by the other woman. At that time, my friend was on maternity with the new Pre -Embro.
I stopped contacting the Filandres/Desertor and never talked to the bride (now wife), and I don’t lean.
The divorce, due to the complexities of raising children between two homes, remains tense and children are suffering for that.
Now, the ex and his new wife move to a house on the street where I live, and where I am friendly with everyone else.
How does this sail? I want to remain a constant presence in children’s life, but I have nothing to do with the narcissistic home.
– Pseudo grandparents
Dear grandfather: You can keep the line with the ex -husband. Not all neighbors need to be your friend.
Since he has a relationship with children and his mother, he can talk to her about the new arrangement and ask her how she can support better.
It will probably be very useful for children to have a place in the block that they know is safe and support.
It is possible that they are not old enough to come on their own, so for now their weekly dinners may have to be enough. But continuing with this tradition will strengthen the relationship you are building and help them, children and your friend, to see it as a crucial support.
Dear Eric: Our daughter is 46 years old. She has a bone addict or her life, with short periods or sobriety.
Unfortunately now it is in a non -place position to live, without work; Her children have completely eliminated her from her lives.
We bought a car in his promise that he would get a job, it has happened.
My heart is broken and I am at the end of my ingenuity.
Unfortunately, she has an identical twin sister (a successful professional) who is deeply affected by this. Our other children also succeed with jobs and families.
What can we/should do? My husband and I are in our 70 years and in a fixed income.
– Deconsolated mom
Dear mom: This is difficult for your daughter, for you and your whole family; I’m sorry.
A central component of many recovery programs is an admission of impotence on addiction. I thought painful, it will be useful for you to admit impotence about your daughter’s addiction too.
This does not mean that you love her less or mean that you won what you can to help. But it means that you cannot take the steps you must take to recover. Only she can do that.
Be clear with her daughter who wants to help her, you love her and see the fight she has had of her life.
Guilt and shame are not going to motivate it, it is not that it is a tactic that you are using.
At this point, financial support will not help, and has the potential to put it in a terrible narrow.
You may be afraid to establish this limit for you. Talk about these sensations with their loved ones, including their children, and in a group like Smart Recovery Family or Al-Anon.
Having a robust support system will remind you that you are not alone, your daughter is not alone and that it is optionally for all of you.
Dear Eric: I applaud “trying to advance” for recognizing the need to really forgive an abusive old man.
My father’s mother was emotionally abusive to me and a brother. He never cared enough to recognize his lack of creation or his effects.
The advice helped me to start addressing my persistent attitude. They encouraged me to write a letter, read it out loud in his grave and bury her there. He took some time, but I did exactly that and I managed to free my anger.
I admit that it took me several years and more advice to find a socially acceptable turn to use it when talking about it. It was difficult to change the habit of calling it what it was.
Habits influence attitudes. My attitude has definitely improved since I developed the new habit when speaking of my father’s mother. Perhaps, trying to advance or another reader will find this idea useful.
– Made with negative cycles
Dear fact: Thanks for sharing this. Healing schedule is rarely what we are because it is, but I am a shoe that you put in work to take you to a better place.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to Eric@askingeric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19110. Follow it on Instagram @ouric and register for your weekly bulletin in Reichomas.com.
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